margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My vagina is very pro this idea
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
