he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Found your dick twin last night
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
