I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You're a waste of cheezeits
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
