one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize