i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
