Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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