smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
