his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
