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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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