Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize