We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
