I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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