i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize