Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
