If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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