just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
