Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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