just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We need to rekindle our bromance
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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