Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize