id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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