I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
