somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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