That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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