hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
