she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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