so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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