8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I have demons in me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
