Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize