cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
