Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
