it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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