No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
