The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my phone needs a breathalizer
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
