in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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