i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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