Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
