Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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