I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
