idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
