brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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