Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
No I am not eating basil off your cock
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
