we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
