her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
