bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't want my vagina anymore.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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