8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
