tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
