I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
