Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You smell like stripper and shame
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
it glows. i had to have it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
