So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
