Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
