If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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