Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
