He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
