are you still at the devil's house?
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
