Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The adults are the big ones right?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
