I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
