You can't motorboat a personality
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
