if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
