I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Life is so much better after having sex.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
