There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i think im in europe. pls send help
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
