the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
