I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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