my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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