I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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