but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
