You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
