Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
