i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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