a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
